Connecting with Kids Through Their Questions
As the parent of an 8 year-old, I have been asked hundreds of thousands of questions by said kid. Research has shown that kids can ask an average of 200 questions each day. Some of these questions often require me to reply, “Good question. Let me think about it and get back to you.” Whether it’s a question that I would rather answer when she’s 18 (or, quite frankly never), or a multi-layered question about politics or what my favorite song in the world is (I could write an essay on this)–I find many of my child’s questions to be exhausting. However, there is one kind of question that I never tire of. When my kid begins her question with “Would you rather…”, it’s game on!
Sometimes, these are casual, conversational questions like “Would you rather it be summer all year long or winter all year long?”. Easy, I’m Team Summer. Or, “Would you rather have a French Bulldog puppy or a Corgi puppy.” The answer to that one really depends on my mood. At times, her questions are downright disturbing. Would YOU rather burn to death or freeze to death? For me, I think burning is the faster route to mercy. Also, I’m the Captain of Team Summer.
I love these questions because there is never a wrong or right answer, and the answers are fluid according to the day. We often have very interesting conversations that stem from these questions. And we almost ALWAYS have a great laugh after flushing out our answers. I love to hear my daughter’s thought process when she presents her answer. I am both entertained and educated when she states her case for her answer. These questions can arise any time; while we are walking from point A to point B (walking together with a child is often the most productive time to have an open conversation), while we are sitting on public transportation or during a longer car ride, while I am tucking her into bed, or while we are having a meal together.
I recently attended an SEL workshop hosted by the principal and guidance counselors at my daughter’s school, where a group of about 30 parents participated in exercises designed to encourage student social emotional learning. We shared our color-coded feelings and learned about using “I” statements, among other universally supportive and encouraging practices. But the most memorable exercise for me, was the listening exercise where the parents worked in groups of four and followed a structured format of conversation that began with a prompt question supplied by the Guidance Counselor. We each had the chance to answer, then each person asked a follow up question, and the last round of this exercise was a free and open conversation. I found the prompt question so conducive to sparking our conversation, just as my daughter’s “would you rather” questions do. I also felt the desire to listen to the other group members’ replies, and reflect on the similarities and differences across their responses.
Last month, the GIANT community had the chance to join our “Would You Rather…?” Game Design Mission, where we co-designed and co-wrote a game book and deck of playing cards together virtually. Over 25 GIANT kids, along with AI and a team of multidisciplinary GIANT writers, artists, and educators created this game set that invites all kids (and adults) to answer the silliest, grossest, most interesting, and weirdest “Would you rather...” questions. The questions are broken out into five different categories: questions that make you think and feel, questions that rhyme, questions that make you go yuck, questions that spark a debate, and questions that make you laugh. Unsurprisingly, my daughter and I have played several rounds of the game, and she’s come up with several more of her own “would you rather” questions as a result. Check out the game set here! We have been playing with the deck of cards in the car on repeat, and my daughter has had fun sharing the book with her friends and writing and drawing their answers directly onto the pages. We have had quite a laugh comparing answers!
Her game card about singing versus reading in front of an audience in the photo, above, yields a different answer from her depending on the day. Ask your kids what they would rather. Now it’s your turn: What would you rather?